Intent and Impact in Grief Support

Most people want to make a positive impact in the lives of the people they care about. And many of us are very mindful of how our actions could possibly impact someone else. Unfortunately though, sometimes the intent of our behavior has a different impact than we wanted or expected. Being open to hearing about the impact we have and making changes when our intent was not received the way we wanted it to be is important when working with people after a loss. For example, intending to make someone feeling better by saying "At least they are no longer in pain," may have the impact of minimizing the grievers feelings and making them feel guilty for being sad. Or "forcing" someone to take part in activities like shopping or going out in an attempt to remind them how much fun there is in life may have the impact of teaching them to push feelings down and "fill" themselves up with things that ultimately make them feel more lonely. Download this document that shows some of the impacts of our intentions. Share with grievers and ask them to fill in the blanks with some of their own experiences and share them with the people they care about. If their intentions are pure, they will be open to receiving the feedback and trying to change their behavior to match their intent with their impacts.