September is Suicide Awareness Month
I have spoken to so many people that have said they are scared to ask someone if they are considering suicide. Typically, they give two reasons for this fear. First, they don't want to put an idea in someone's head that may not already be there. And second, they don't know what to do if they get an affirmative response.
Both of these reasons for avoiding the topic of suicide are reasonable. I'm pretty sure that no one reading this newsletter wants to suggest suicide as an option to someone who may be struggling with their mental health. However, most people have already heard of suicide way before you mention it- in movies, in school, in the news or through a personal experience. Asking someone if they are considering ending their life is very different than suggesting that they end their life. Asking them opens the door for them to tell you, and then for you to make sure they stay safe. Not asking, especially when you are worried about someone, keeps their secret hidden and reduces the chances that they get access to the help they need.
So, if you can ask, do it. That is a very important first step. Next, knowing what to do if they say that suicide is an option will alleviate any fears you have about being the right resource for them. You do not need to solve their crisis or provide ongoing therapy. Your only job is to keep them safe long enough for the immediate crisis to pass and to hook them up with resources for ongoing support. But how do you do that? There are lots of suicide prevention models available for you to research if you are looking for a detailed training (and you can certainly reach out to me and ask for recommendations if you are interested), but for most people who just want to be a good friend, there are three simple steps to follow fromActive Minds, called V-A-R. You can download a printable version of this simple process for assessing suicide risk and maintaining safety.
Validate- Acknowledge how difficult their situation sounds.
Appreciate- Thank them for trusting you with this information.
Refer- Help them to find resources and safety.
It's that simple. Just listen, normalize their pain, and make sure they are safe. Let them know you believe them. Acknowledge how hard it must be to admit that they are struggling and thank them for taking that big step. Make sure they are safe. That may mean calling a family member, taking a walk, or sitting together in silence. It may mean driving them to to their therapist or an emergency room. It may mean calling 911. Whatever it is, you may be the only one that your friend has confided in which puts you in the position to help like no one else can. You can be the difference.
Download this wallet sized card that you can keep in the photos on your phone or in your wallet. It has the three simple steps as well as some resources on the back to have ready in case you ever need it. It could save a life.
And as always, feel free to reach out to me directly if I can be of assistance to you or your school or agency.