Different Kinds of College Grief
If you read these blog posts, you know that I am passionate about supporting students after a death. But I'm not just passionate about death (did that sound weird??!), I am passionate about grief. And grief comes after any kind of loss, not just death.
Students have experienced all kinds of losses during the pandemic and I wanted to center some of those losses today as well. Lack of opportunities for study abroad, changes or cancellations in internships and work study programs, remote learning, cancellation of sports and social and club activities have all created a tremendous amount of loss, and that doesn't even include death losses and the lack of support that has been available during the pandemic.
When we do experience a death loss, there is some support often available. It may not be perfect or long enough, but there is often some sort of collective support. (If you are looking for ways to better support grievers, search through previous blog posts- tons of information in there!) But today, we are going to focus on the losses that often don't get the support and attention that you may need.
When study abroad is cancelled, classes switch to online, days are spent in quarantine, and social events are rescheduled, we experience loss (event though we may not have thought of it that way). And when we experience a loss, we grieve. That grief is often not acknowledged and supported by others. We hear, "At least, you can see your friends online," or "No one else got an internship either, so you're in the same boat as everyone else." This can make the griever feel like they don't have the right to have and share their feelings. This is the definition of disenfranchised grief. This type of grief is the kind that often isn't supported because it's not tolerated by friends, family, teachers and colleagues.
So what to do? How can we collectively support grievers? Here are a few easy steps:
Recognize grief when you are faced with it. When someone comes to you and shares a loss, recognize it as such.
Acknowledge (to yourself as well as to the person with a loss) the loss, and be curious and open to hearing about the grief that comes with loss.
Remember that grief is not something to be fixed. Validate the feelings that the griever is experiencing without offering a platitude or trying to fix their loss.
Put your own judgments aside. Ask them to tell you more about what this loss feels like for them. Take a deep breath and let them just talk about it.