What does Race have to do with Grief?
This is not to say that when a white person grieves, their pain is less than a Black person, but there are historic and cultural differences that make grief less acknowledged, and therefore less supported, in Black people. As a white person myself, in order for me to best support my Black friends after a loss, I need to better understand the historical and present systems that create racism in grief. Here are a few statistics from Breeshia Wade's book Grieving While Black and my thoughts about them:
Black mothers are three times more likely than White mothers to die during labor. This is not because there is something wrong with Black mothers and they way they birth children. It is a complicated issue but has more to do with lack of access to healthcare and the quality of the care they receive when they do access it.
The infant mortality rate is twice as high for Black babies as it is for white babies. Again, this is not because Black babies are inferior to a white ones- it has more to do with prenatal care, lack of access to good nutrition, and conscious and unconscious biases of healthcare providers and systems.
Hospital staff are less likely to believe Black peoples' account of pain, often ignoring it until it is too late.
Black anger is often criminalized. What this means is the police are more often called to the scene of a grieving Black parent because of fear that others experience when they see them full of rage. Police are less often called when a white person is expressing anger after a death.
So yes, grief should not be measured or compared (although we all do it). But, we should be aware that some people have the privilege of getting more support, credibility and resources. And that is the key to healthy functioning after a loss.
How we address this is important. I encourage you to read books as one step to becoming more informed and learning how to best support Black friends and family, as well as other people that have different experiences than your own. Perhaps we can all show up a little differently for all people who are different than ourselves. We must commit to listening and learning from people with lived experiences.
Click here for additional book recommendations on grief, social justice and race.