Saying Goodbye to your College Student
Here's my advice: Don't follow the advice of other people. Do what feels right for you and your child. Full stop (Also, don't say "full stop" but then keep saying more. Do as I say, not as I do!)
As I prepare to send my youngest off to college, I am bombarded with articles about how to say goodbye to your child. I'm reading things like "Get in a good cry the night before when you are alone in your bed because you don't want to share any emotion with your child as you leave them." Basically, make it short and sweet- say I love you, here's your stuff, goodbye. And if that works for you, let me know and I can send you article upon article validating your plan as a good one! And it may be perfect for you. Or maybe not.
And that's OK too. I am of the mindset that it is OK to let your kids know that you will miss them. Of course, I have always had the mindset to let my kids know how I am feeling, and I think (I hope?!) that created a culture in my house for them to let me know how they are feeling as well. If this hasn't been your practice for the past 18 years and then you bawl your eyes out for the first time in their dorm room with the new roommate and their parents, that may be... jarring to say the least. But why do we have to hide our feelings just because they are going to college?
Can we also be excited for them and happy that we will have less laundry, more opportunities to pick the tv station and more time to enjoy hobbies? Of course! We can hold opposing feelings all at the same time, and we can model for our children that it's OK to do that.
However you do your goodbyes, I'm sure it will be the "right" way for you and your children. But don't do what everyone else is doing because you read some article on facebook (or even in this newsletter) that says you have to do it one way. There is no one way to do goodbyes. And there is no one way to feel. You may be counting down the minutes to redo their bedroom, sell the house, clean out the fridge, or any number of other things. You may be dreading the silence, the anxiety of waiting for the first phone call or text, or the lack of purpose you may be feeling. I hope you can find ways to express it all in a healthy, communicative way. Wishing you all (and myself!) strength. Call me if you need to!