Sharing Your Loss in a Group
Many young people are hesitant to join a support group after a loss. Many of them have shared with me that they think a group will be more intense and they are just not ready to share their loss with "a bunch of strangers." Interestingly, I see it differently; since there are more people in a group than in individual therapy, each person has less time to share making it potentially less intense. It is true that listening to other people's story can be difficult, but most (quality) group facilitators do not force participants to share anything that they don't want to.
Since many people are anxious that they will be forced to share when they are not ready to do so, how can we create a safe emotional space for participants to share when they are ready? In general, the less rules the better. Besides the few guidelines listed below, ask group members to create their own guidelines. It is their group, after all, not the facilitators, So they should create the rules that they need to feel safe. Here are a few guidelines to create that space:
Ensure confidentiality. Although we cannot promise that everyone will abide by the confidentiality rule, discuss the need for privacy and ask all group members to agree to the guideline. Take it a step further and ask for double confidentiality- what is said in group does not leave the room, even with group members that were int he room. This means that someone that shares does not have to worry that someone will see them in a mall or local grocery store and ask them any questions outside of the group space.
Start and end on time. When group members know what time the group will start, and what time it will end, they can assess how much time is left before they share something. Some people may want to share with just a few minutes left of the group so that they know they won't have to get in to more details of feelings than they want to. Some facilitators make the mistake of allowing them to keep sharing even when they group is over because it seems like they were in the middle of their story. The group facilitator may not have considered that the participant did that on purpose and may feel burdened by the extra time.
I remember a group I facilitated several years ago and one group member asked that no one wear perfume. She was allergic to many perfumes and would not feel comfortable coming each week if she hd to worry about that. Obviously, that wouldn't be a rule we would create in every group, but it shows the importance of allowing each group to create rules that make sense to them. Some groups may want a no cell phone use rule, while other groups may feel that they need cell phones for emergencies only.
Sometimes, a rule needs to be added or revised. For example, if they group has developed "cliques" and people are whispering to one another during group sharing, the facilitator may need to address that and ask if people are comfortable with side talking or if "One person talks at a time" should be a new rule. Facilitators need to be aware of the group dynamics to ensure that new dynamics are addressed. Guidelines should be reviewed regularly, especially when a new group member joins.