Support for LGBTQ+ Friends
As pride month comes to a close, and it seems that everything and everywhere is decked out in festive rainbows in celebration of the LGBTQ community, it is important to remember that even in the year 2022, kids and young adults who identify as queer, publicly and privately, still deal with a lot of challenges that other kids don’t face.
As a student who attends a university that self-describes as a “Premier Campus” in terms of being LGBTQ friendly, I happen to know many kids who are open about their identities. Yet, even in such an accepting environment, queer students still have unique struggles. I talked to one of my friends about the experience of coming out during her freshman year of college. She explained that while it is freeing to not have to hide her girlfriend around her friends and family members, and that being “out” has overall been a positive experience, she still has experienced a fair amount of stress: “I do feel like I have a little bit of a feeling of loss when it comes to having [comfort] in having that secret and being able to figure it out without the judgment of my family or friends or peers … It was nice to not have to have a label or have to explain anything to anybody, specifically not my Catholic family.” People tend to assume that coming out only needs to be done once, but in reality, it is a lifelong process of judging which people in your life are safe and accepting to talk to, and having the courage to take a risk every time. While this particular friend is completely out at school, she admits she is keeping her sexuality a secret around some family members to avoid a “negative reaction.” She explained that what she really wanted was for everyone around her to treat it as “completely normal.”
Another one of my friends, who came out as gay at the end of his first semester, explained, “[My friends’] response was what felt like an eternity of silence. No one knew how to respond and everyone was waiting for someone else to speak up first.” He said that while it was incredibly relieving to eventually find out that his friends are supportive, the conversation was still unpredictable and uncomfortable, as most people still don’t quite know how to talk about these things.
If you have a child, classmate, or friend who has recently come out and you aren’t quite sure how to respond, here are some possible things you could say to them.