Why Am I Talking?

When someone is grieving, they often turn to friends and family to talk about their loss. Maybe someone important in their life died, or maybe a relationship ended. They have a lot of feelings and want to express them to a supportive friend. How lucky are we if they chose us to share these feelings! It's up to us as supporters to hold the griever in our hearts in the most supportive way. Often, we feel a responsibility to "lessen the burden" of grief, by giving advice or trying to cheer them up. Sometimes we may try to distract them with activities, alcohol or gifts.

What if we honored their feelings by letting them talk more about them? We are not the expert on their grief, so telling them what to do isn't our job. And distracting them from the pain only delays the process (unless, of course, they ask you to come over and provide a distraction, which is fine!). What if we could sit in silence with them with just a few verbal prompts to encourage them to share their experience so they don't feel so alone?

Sounds simple. And in some ways, it is. Our job is to let them say more. Asking a few questions like "Would you like to tell me more about what happened?" or "What are you missing the most right now?" and then being quiet allows them to share authentically with you. And that's where W.A.I.T comes in! W.A.I.T is an acronym for Why Am I Talking? and it's an important question to ask yourself when you are providing support to someone after a loss. If you are talking because you are uncomfortable, or because you think you know what to do, STOP! If you are talking to encourage them to say more, you are probably on the right track.