COVID, Funerals and Closure

"Despite the misconception, funerals are not rites of closure, because grief is lifelong. Rather, they are rites of initiation." -- Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt

I read this quote recently and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Throughout the whole pandemic, so many people have spoken about the inability to find closure because they were not able to have a funeral. I always agreed with the idea that "closure" is not really a thing; grief is lifelong and no ritual will bring an end to grief. But the part that struck me was the idea of funerals as an initiation, or even an invitation, to grieve.

Funerals are often used as a "send-off" for the deceased. But they also are an invitation for people to support the mourners. Different religions and cultures spend days, weeks and months engaging in different ceremonies to bring people together and get support. The pandemic has created devastating gaps for family and friends who have not been able to be part of these circles of support after someone important dies. After all, these ceremonies are more about the living than the dead, right?

For many people, these gaps meant that support was never really initiated. Some people found creative ways to connect via zoom or drive-by wakes. Others held smaller gatherings to get some support. But most never felt surrounded by the larger community that they would have expected otherwise.

The good news is that it's never too late to initiate support. If you work with students who have experienced a loss, there are rituals and ceremonies that you can suggest or offer any time. Use this idea sheet to plan individual or group rituals for those people that were unable to participate in traditional events. And even if you were able to host the rituals you wanted, ongoing rituals keep the support coming. There is no limit on these rituals so create what you need to get the support you deserve.