Grief and Gratitude: Can we have both?

Grief is incredibly painful. There is no way around that. Death comes with a host of feelings that are often intense and unpleasant. But sometimes, and in some time, we may also experience some positive feelings that came from that very same death. It doesn't happen every time, and certainly not right away. But sometimes, good things do happen after a loss. There is no way around that either. Good things happen. Even when we are grieving. Sometimes, even BECAUSE we are grieving. Today, I want to normalize the dichotomy of having both of these experiences simultaneously.

My dad died 18 years ago. And to this day, I wish that did not happen. I would give back so much to make my dad alive and here with me and my family. We all miss him so much.

And yet. Yet, because of his death, some amazing blessing have happened. In the months after he died, I was gifted some amazing friendships from people that never would have come into my life if he had not died. I am incredibly grateful for these people. Several years after he died, my mom met an amazing man that has become an incredibly important person to me, and the only grandfather that my children have. He has watched them grow up and has been everything a grandfather should be to them.

Although I was already working in the field of grief and bereavement, my father's death gave me a passion and focus for young adult grievers that I did not have before. I gained an understanding that has served me very well in my career. I am immensely grateful for that as well.

Sometimes I struggle to honor the positive feelings that have resulted from his death because, in some way, it feels like I am not honoring him by being happy. Then, I remind myself that my happiness IS his legacy. And if I were to deny myself the pleasure and love that exists in my life, he would be so unhappy about that.

So I live with the opposing feelings that grief brings. Joy and despair. Love and longing. Gratitude and grief.

We all have a host of feelings that come from grief. Some of these feelings are painful. Some are pleasurable. Use this worksheet to think about all of your feelings and how you can experience them all together.