Father’s Day for Grievers
I've been thinking a lot about my dad this weekend. Maybe it's because Father's Day is coming up. Maybe it's because I recently said goodbye to someone in my religious community who is retiring. My dad and she knew each other well and I know he would have wanted to say goodbye and wish her well. I went to a service to honor her and as she spoke about what the community has meant to her, I was brought back to 22 years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. My sisters and I went to services together that weekend to say a prayer for his healing and be comforted by the community that had served us our entire lives. I remember locking eyes with her through a steady stream of tears, thinking that she should probably give some eye contact to the other congregants. But she never turned her gaze away from mine. It felt like a hug from across the room as she sang prayers for healing for many people, although I swore it felt like it was all meant for my dad.
Some Father's Days since he died have been really hard. Especially the ones in the first few years. I remember someone telling me that they won't always be this hard. I hated hearing that. I wanted them to be hard. It almost felt like the possibility of having a nice Father's Day would be dishonoring him in some way. So if you are feeling like that, that's fine. You don't have to worry that these days won't be hard after some time. They may be. And if you want them to be a day for you to be in touch with your painful feelings, that is totally acceptable.
For me, Father's Day has gotten easier. We changed up the routine and spend it with my sister in a place that doesn't have memories with my dad. I have a husband, the father of my two children, that we celebrate on that day. But over the years, I have found ways to honor my dad as well. For example, he liked pickled tomatoes. My husband and I always have one on Father's Day and I say a little silent prayer to him as I eat it. It's a bitter sweet moment each time. And I kind've want it that way. I feel good allowing a tear or two to fall as I remember him and all the wonderfulness he was, and would be.
Here are a few other tips for grievers on Father's Day. Send me your tips and you may see them highlighted on my social media feeds!